People write blogs, but some people don’t even know why they are blogging. I appear to be one of them. I have some distinct goals:

1. Change the world to a better place
2. Better health & fitness
3. Get rich (economic independence)

All of them revolves around the real (ultimate) goal: for me and others to become happier and suffer less. My first goal was to become one of the best in the world at doing flash animation. My second goal was to become one of the happiest people in the world. The first one, I succeeded. The second one, I tried to reach within a time period of 3 months. It didn’t work. I no longer believe that I will reach that goal. Don’t think I’m meant to be happy all the time. I need to cry, feel afraid, feel anxiety and all of that. I do need to suffer a bit too; that’s life.

After naively trying to be the happiest (after reading Dalai Llama), I got into a small depression when I realised that it wasn’t possible. Realised there wasn’t – a one solution – for me. Many years ago, I told myself crying: “If I cannot be happy, if I’m going to be depressed every now and then, then the best thing would be to stop caring about myself and try to make others happier instead”, to try and accomplish that.

It’s difficult making others happy, if your not happy yourself. The depression soon passed, and I started connecting dots. Dots to a net, that would later connect me to the goals I’ve set above. Number 1 and 3 was only a real goal when I noticed there was a possibility to accomplish them.

But why should I blog, why am I writing to You? Starting to think, the negative effects could push out the positive? If I do succeed with goal no. 1 and 3, this blog could be used against me. Everyone who’d wanted, could get inside my brain and understand who I am.

I was at a party the other day, at North Kingdom. Really nice party, mingled around, met some fun people. While talking (and drinking, I did get a little bit too much to drink), I mentioned John McCain in a conversation with someone; “you would have to be a nazi to vote for him”. This guy really liked John McCain and got so angry, he started screaming and spitting at me.
–”OK, OK, sorry”, I replied smiling, “maybe your not an nazist, but most certainly your a fascist.” His face got all red and I almost thought he was going to hit me. I was calm and asked him, how he could support a presidential candidate that jokes about “bomb, bomb, bombing Iran” and supporting Bush in 95% of all topics; a war criminal. He couldn’t argue his case, instead he left screaming in anger, flapping his arms around him.

What got me nervous, was to realise that the world is full of people like that. They could be reading this very blog post and hate me for it. He could have been North Kingdom’s new client, I could have spoiled a job for them (sorry, NK!). For now, I don’t see any huge danger in writing this blog, it’s what people would do if I succeed with goal number 1 and 3.

The world is also filled with people just like me. I usually imagine everyone like me, that everyone has something in common, that we can help each other out; spread each others knowledge and experiences.

Is this blog also part of changing the world, or is that just naive? Can you help me, what is the goal? Or what should be the goal? Maybe the quote “In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” from Martin Luther King Jr. Maybe that should be what keeps me writing…